To victim blame or not to victim blame: It's not really a question...

A friend recently sent me a link to a facebook group page for NSCS, a national honors society for college students. On this page they had posted a link to a Huffington Post Article about high rape statistics, particularly in college, and violence in relationships starting at a young age. Then it asked students in the society to provide their thoughts on the situation. After reading through these comments, I was upset for a number of reasons. (Here is a link to the page, and the rape article comments are about halfway down the page: http://www.facebook.com/posted.php?id=9523407602&share_id=107096546018093&comments=1)

Fortunately there was only one very ignorant victim-blaming comment along the lines of "if girls weren't so boy crazy and interested in drinking and slutting around then this wouldn't happen... (insert typical avoid the actual problem of rape bullshit)." I feel disgusted that even one person would comment in this way and do feel the need to take a moment to point out as usual that RAPE VICTIMS ARE VICTIMS. They are not ever responsible for the rape. Were it not for rapists, women could drink and engage in consensual sex and not have to worry about being violated by having another person force them into sex. That combined with the fact that most rapes occur by someone the victim knows would make any sensible person realize that rapists are the only ones to blame. That being said, I was relieved that there was only one such comment.

I was, however, concerned by the fact that the vast majority of people who commented were focused solely on how women should go about preventing rape rather than responding about the atrocity that is rape. This brings up an issue that I always take in discussions about rape. I do not think that there is anything wrong with women encouraging each other to take self defense classes and go out in groups. Obviously, preventive measures should be taken, and that's sadly just the way it is. However, there is too much focus on it. We all know about the dangers of rape and we all know what we should do to keep it from happening. When we spend so much time focusing on preventing rape, it invalidates the horror of rape because it makes women think that they should have done something to stop it. In reality, it doesn't matter how much we do to prevent it, if there's a person that is willing to rape, not only is it out of our control, but it should be completely out of the realm of blame for the victim.

Instead of asking 'what could I do to keep this from happening to me' which is really only a veiled cover for the question 'what should that person have done to prevent it from happening to her?' we should be asking 'What the hell gives rapists the right to violate victims?' or 'How do we make sure that more rapists are being punished for their actions so that we can send a message that we will no longer accept rape as a necessary part of society?' or 'How do we make sure that the children we raise know how unacceptable, atrocious, and disgusting any person that would rape and how very wrong and evil the action is?' If we start asking those kinds of questions then maybe we might actually be able to prevent rape.

Furthermore, a great concern to my friend and me was the fact that three different people commented suggesting that women in college take online classes as a preventive measure to rape. I don't even know where to begin dissecting how sad that is. These people are honestly suggesting that women stop taking face to face courses, not because it's more convenient to their lifestyle, but because that is the only way we can think to avoid being raped. Next, people are going to be suggesting that women make sure they're home by sundown, or better yet, that women don't leave their homes at all. They can work from home, and hire people to go out and buy their groceries. You know what, better yet, why don't we stop having babies until we can make sure that women are not being born at all, then no women will be raped.

Okay, so maybe this is an extreme example, but the point is, it is just so sad that in our society we find it more acceptable to encourage women to inconvenience themselves to stay away from rape victims than to discourage potential rapists (meaning all society members) from inconveniencing themselves by not raping. If we really want to end rape, we need to fight it at its source. We need to start pressuring the government to hold rapists accountable and make damn sure they end up where they belong--rotting in a jail cell for the rest of their lives. We need to teach not only young women but also young men about rape, and focus more on educating them about how horrible it is than how to "make sure it doesn't happen to you." We need to stop making it okay, and we need to stop putting the responsibility of rape on the victims.

Privilege, Pregnancy, and the Palins

Anyone that has ever watched the MTV show Teen Mom has probably had the misfortune of watching the commercial for the Candie's Foundation featuring Bristol Palin. And anyone who hasn't had the misfortune can watch the commercial on youtube at this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpHlztPeHf8

The gist of the commercial: Bristol Palin holding her baby in her nice home, looking pretty and together. She looks into the camera and asks "What if I didn't come from a famous family? What if I didn't have all their support? What if I couldn't finish my education? What if I didn't have all these opportunities? Believe me, it wouldn't be pretty." As she asks each question, she gets more and more unkempt until finally, at the end of the commercial, she is wearing a baggy white t-shirt and jeans with a messy pony tail standing in a shabby looking home with her baby walking around on the floor. This scene creates a great impact for her final word of advice: "Pause before you play."

The message that I get from this commercial is that teen pregnancy is only okay if you come from a famous family that can support you with their wealth. Otherwise, you're going to be a terrible parent.

Now I'm not saying that teen pregnancy would not often be easier if you were wealthier and simply didn't have to worry about money, but I am saying that it's not always the case. I know several teen moms that are not wealthy, but are wonderful parents (contrary to the subtle message from this commercial that rich people hold their babies and poor people let them crawl around on the floor). Some of them had their family's support, and some of them didn't. Wealth and fame do not create parenting skills. A rich teen mom is just as likely to be a terrible mom as a poor one.

This just shows how clueless the Palin family is. This commercial reeks of privilege. Bristol Palin is so privileged that she probably never even considered how this commercial could be offensive. She has probably never even thought about the fact that wealth doesn't correspond with success, with happiness, or with being a good family. To Bristol Palin, love and support apparently involve shelling out a bunch of money so she can still go to school. But love and support come in different forms, and some people have to work to be able to provide their education.

Had I gotten pregnant at seventeen, things would have been tough. I was working as a hostess and living with my mom who was working two jobs. It would have been difficult for me to finish school. But I believe that things would have been okay. My parents, though unable to throw a bunch of money in my direction, would still have been there and supported me as best they could. I would have found a way to keep working and putting myself through college. And I am fully confident that had I gotten pregnant at seventeen I would have been every bit as good of a mom as Bristol Palin is. Maybe even better because I wouldn't be using my baby to tell other people that they would suck at parenting.