A friend recently sent me a link to a facebook group page for NSCS, a national honors society for college students. On this page they had posted a link to a Huffington Post Article about high rape statistics, particularly in college, and violence in relationships starting at a young age. Then it asked students in the society to provide their thoughts on the situation. After reading through these comments, I was upset for a number of reasons. (Here is a link to the page, and the rape article comments are about halfway down the page: http://www.facebook.com/posted.php?id=9523407602&share_id=107096546018093&comments=1)
Fortunately there was only one very ignorant victim-blaming comment along the lines of "if girls weren't so boy crazy and interested in drinking and slutting around then this wouldn't happen... (insert typical avoid the actual problem of rape bullshit)." I feel disgusted that even one person would comment in this way and do feel the need to take a moment to point out as usual that RAPE VICTIMS ARE VICTIMS. They are not ever responsible for the rape. Were it not for rapists, women could drink and engage in consensual sex and not have to worry about being violated by having another person force them into sex. That combined with the fact that most rapes occur by someone the victim knows would make any sensible person realize that rapists are the only ones to blame. That being said, I was relieved that there was only one such comment.
I was, however, concerned by the fact that the vast majority of people who commented were focused solely on how women should go about preventing rape rather than responding about the atrocity that is rape. This brings up an issue that I always take in discussions about rape. I do not think that there is anything wrong with women encouraging each other to take self defense classes and go out in groups. Obviously, preventive measures should be taken, and that's sadly just the way it is. However, there is too much focus on it. We all know about the dangers of rape and we all know what we should do to keep it from happening. When we spend so much time focusing on preventing rape, it invalidates the horror of rape because it makes women think that they should have done something to stop it. In reality, it doesn't matter how much we do to prevent it, if there's a person that is willing to rape, not only is it out of our control, but it should be completely out of the realm of blame for the victim.
Instead of asking 'what could I do to keep this from happening to me' which is really only a veiled cover for the question 'what should that person have done to prevent it from happening to her?' we should be asking 'What the hell gives rapists the right to violate victims?' or 'How do we make sure that more rapists are being punished for their actions so that we can send a message that we will no longer accept rape as a necessary part of society?' or 'How do we make sure that the children we raise know how unacceptable, atrocious, and disgusting any person that would rape and how very wrong and evil the action is?' If we start asking those kinds of questions then maybe we might actually be able to prevent rape.
Furthermore, a great concern to my friend and me was the fact that three different people commented suggesting that women in college take online classes as a preventive measure to rape. I don't even know where to begin dissecting how sad that is. These people are honestly suggesting that women stop taking face to face courses, not because it's more convenient to their lifestyle, but because that is the only way we can think to avoid being raped. Next, people are going to be suggesting that women make sure they're home by sundown, or better yet, that women don't leave their homes at all. They can work from home, and hire people to go out and buy their groceries. You know what, better yet, why don't we stop having babies until we can make sure that women are not being born at all, then no women will be raped.
Okay, so maybe this is an extreme example, but the point is, it is just so sad that in our society we find it more acceptable to encourage women to inconvenience themselves to stay away from rape victims than to discourage potential rapists (meaning all society members) from inconveniencing themselves by not raping. If we really want to end rape, we need to fight it at its source. We need to start pressuring the government to hold rapists accountable and make damn sure they end up where they belong--rotting in a jail cell for the rest of their lives. We need to teach not only young women but also young men about rape, and focus more on educating them about how horrible it is than how to "make sure it doesn't happen to you." We need to stop making it okay, and we need to stop putting the responsibility of rape on the victims.
Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Blaming the Victim
It’s time to talk about rape. Nobody likes to talk about it, nobody likes to think about it. It’s sad, terrifying, and disgusting. But it happens. Every two minutes. It’s happening now, and by the time you finish reading this it will happen again. So I want to talk about it. And more importantly, I want to talk about rape victims. Victims. That’s right. They are not slutty women who evoked uncontrollable sexual urges in a man. They are not vengeful women who want to ruin a man’s life. They are not stupid women who threw themselves into dangerous situations. They are women who were raped—forced, against their will, to have sex.
I want to know when it is okay to blame the victim. It is a common practice in our society to do so. At the bottom of the page is a link to a BBC article written in February providing statistics of a survey that indicates frightening statistics about blaming the victim. A vast majority of people polled indicated that under some circumstances, the rape victim is partially to blame. So I want to know when it is okay to blame the victim.
How about when she’s dressed like a slut? This is something I hear a lot, that a woman was “asking for it” if she was “dressed like that.” This argument is damaging, obviously to rape victims, who have just gone through the potentially most traumatic event of their lives and are now being blamed for something they had no choose about, but also to all men and women. Women: How often have you stepped out of the house in something that showed a little bit of cleavage or leg? Or even something that hugged your form? Were you aware that by doing so you were inviting all men to rape you? And what exactly is the line for provocative clothing? For anyone who thinks that a woman is to blame because of how she dresses, can you please go through my closet and tell me which clothes say “Rape me please” and which ones don’t? A woman should have the right to dress how she wants and not worry about being raped. If we blame the victim for dressing in revealing clothing then we are saying that our bodies are made to be raped, and that if we show off too much of them it’s just going to happen. And this theory is just as harmful to men. It indicates that men are highly sexualized creatures who have no control over their actions when they see a woman’s body. That’s ridiculous. Plenty of men have seen a “provocatively” dressed woman and not raped her. That is because a woman’s body is not asking to be raped, and decent men are not waiting around to rape women if they see enough skin.
How about when she walks alone at night? This theory astounds me. I have often walked alone at night because I did not have a car, or I was close enough to home to do so. And I should be able to do so….I should be able to walk alone at night and not be raped. Yes, there are precautions I can take, but instead of focusing on that, we should be focusing on why men are raping women in the first place. Instead of thinking, “She shouldn’t have been walking alone” we should be thinking “He shouldn’t have thought that her walking alone gives him the right to rape her.”
Or what about when she flirts with a man at a bar who later rapes her? What if she goes home with him? This theory indicates that if a woman flirts with a man she has some sort of responsibility to follow through on that flirtation by sleeping with him. And if she doesn’t do so, she should expect to be raped. So I guess we should do one of two things: Either we should never go out, never look at men, never flirt, or we should have sex with every man we come across. Otherwise, we’re asking to be raped.
No matter what the circumstances are, a woman is never, ever asking to be raped. We need to quit blaming the victim and start focusing on the rapist. Remember him? The rapist. The one who decided he had the right to ruin a woman’s life by forcing her to have sex with him? He’s the predator, he’s the criminal. The woman doesn’t need to be put on trial. First of all, all these rape theories leave out the truth that everyone likes to forget: most of the time, the rapist is not a stranger. He’s not just someone lurking in the shadows that saw a woman and had to have her. He is a familiar entity in the woman’s life. Second of all, rape is not about sex, it’s about power. If we rely on these theories then we are saying that rape is caused by uncontrolled urges of men, and that they simply can’t help themselves if women are giving them the opportunity. Third of all, it’s ridiculous to expect that women must avoid being raped. Rapists need to avoid raping. The only way I could insure that I am never raped would be to stay at home, never go outside, and wear a chastity belt, just in case someone broke in the house. Perhaps that’s what all women should do. Then maybe, they wouldn’t be blamed if they were raped.
So why do we blame rape victims? It’s a defense mechanism to keep ourselves separated from the situation. If I say that a woman was raped because of a specific reason, then I can feel safe. Then I can say, I won’t be raped because I won’t do that. But the truth is we are all in danger of rape. And not because of our own actions, but because there are sick people in the world who think it’s okay for them to rape. The only way we can hope to lower the rape rates is to quit blaming the victim or avoid addressing rape. We have to acknowledge it and start placing the blame where it belongs. Then perhaps we can start taking rape seriously as a crime. Our only hope is to show rape as what it truly is and should be considered: a heinous, unacceptable crime for which a rapist should be severely punished.
Click here to be linked to the BBC article:
"Women say Rape Victims Should Take the Blame"
**As a side note, I do realize this blog is limited because it refers to the victim as a woman. Men are also raped, and I will blog about that as well. I focused on women because they are the primary victims of the crime, but anyone can be raped, and no one is ever responsible for being raped.
I want to know when it is okay to blame the victim. It is a common practice in our society to do so. At the bottom of the page is a link to a BBC article written in February providing statistics of a survey that indicates frightening statistics about blaming the victim. A vast majority of people polled indicated that under some circumstances, the rape victim is partially to blame. So I want to know when it is okay to blame the victim.
How about when she’s dressed like a slut? This is something I hear a lot, that a woman was “asking for it” if she was “dressed like that.” This argument is damaging, obviously to rape victims, who have just gone through the potentially most traumatic event of their lives and are now being blamed for something they had no choose about, but also to all men and women. Women: How often have you stepped out of the house in something that showed a little bit of cleavage or leg? Or even something that hugged your form? Were you aware that by doing so you were inviting all men to rape you? And what exactly is the line for provocative clothing? For anyone who thinks that a woman is to blame because of how she dresses, can you please go through my closet and tell me which clothes say “Rape me please” and which ones don’t? A woman should have the right to dress how she wants and not worry about being raped. If we blame the victim for dressing in revealing clothing then we are saying that our bodies are made to be raped, and that if we show off too much of them it’s just going to happen. And this theory is just as harmful to men. It indicates that men are highly sexualized creatures who have no control over their actions when they see a woman’s body. That’s ridiculous. Plenty of men have seen a “provocatively” dressed woman and not raped her. That is because a woman’s body is not asking to be raped, and decent men are not waiting around to rape women if they see enough skin.
How about when she walks alone at night? This theory astounds me. I have often walked alone at night because I did not have a car, or I was close enough to home to do so. And I should be able to do so….I should be able to walk alone at night and not be raped. Yes, there are precautions I can take, but instead of focusing on that, we should be focusing on why men are raping women in the first place. Instead of thinking, “She shouldn’t have been walking alone” we should be thinking “He shouldn’t have thought that her walking alone gives him the right to rape her.”
Or what about when she flirts with a man at a bar who later rapes her? What if she goes home with him? This theory indicates that if a woman flirts with a man she has some sort of responsibility to follow through on that flirtation by sleeping with him. And if she doesn’t do so, she should expect to be raped. So I guess we should do one of two things: Either we should never go out, never look at men, never flirt, or we should have sex with every man we come across. Otherwise, we’re asking to be raped.
No matter what the circumstances are, a woman is never, ever asking to be raped. We need to quit blaming the victim and start focusing on the rapist. Remember him? The rapist. The one who decided he had the right to ruin a woman’s life by forcing her to have sex with him? He’s the predator, he’s the criminal. The woman doesn’t need to be put on trial. First of all, all these rape theories leave out the truth that everyone likes to forget: most of the time, the rapist is not a stranger. He’s not just someone lurking in the shadows that saw a woman and had to have her. He is a familiar entity in the woman’s life. Second of all, rape is not about sex, it’s about power. If we rely on these theories then we are saying that rape is caused by uncontrolled urges of men, and that they simply can’t help themselves if women are giving them the opportunity. Third of all, it’s ridiculous to expect that women must avoid being raped. Rapists need to avoid raping. The only way I could insure that I am never raped would be to stay at home, never go outside, and wear a chastity belt, just in case someone broke in the house. Perhaps that’s what all women should do. Then maybe, they wouldn’t be blamed if they were raped.
So why do we blame rape victims? It’s a defense mechanism to keep ourselves separated from the situation. If I say that a woman was raped because of a specific reason, then I can feel safe. Then I can say, I won’t be raped because I won’t do that. But the truth is we are all in danger of rape. And not because of our own actions, but because there are sick people in the world who think it’s okay for them to rape. The only way we can hope to lower the rape rates is to quit blaming the victim or avoid addressing rape. We have to acknowledge it and start placing the blame where it belongs. Then perhaps we can start taking rape seriously as a crime. Our only hope is to show rape as what it truly is and should be considered: a heinous, unacceptable crime for which a rapist should be severely punished.
Click here to be linked to the BBC article:
"Women say Rape Victims Should Take the Blame"
**As a side note, I do realize this blog is limited because it refers to the victim as a woman. Men are also raped, and I will blog about that as well. I focused on women because they are the primary victims of the crime, but anyone can be raped, and no one is ever responsible for being raped.
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